Sometimes questions and their answers are just words.

Have you ever panicked and spent hours on the verge of a panic attack trying to decide how badly you should be punished for your best not being good enough?  I bet you have, I may be weird but I hope I am not totally abnormal!  I find this happens to me most on issues having to do with my children.  I can handle the consequences of my choices that affect me.  But what about the choices that I have made for my kids?  They are subject to these decisions without a real say.  You think you are making healthy choices for them, but are you?  You really cannot know until later.  It is kind of like planting your garden.  You stick those seeds into the soil, you already shoveled it up and amended it, poured over seed choices to pick the best one, researched when you could safely stick them in the ground; and then you wait.  And it takes time to find out how those choices are gonna play out.  In my garden, a poor choice just leads to me driving to Shaw’s and picking up something for dinner.  But my kids are something different.  They are my heart and soul, my earthly everything.  It just eats away at my insides, the not knowing how my choices are going to play out over time.  Will they be healthy?  Will they be happy?  What will they say about the choices I made for them?  Will they be able to tell that even the ones that didn’t go as planned were made with all the love and concern in the world?  And will that matter to them?  Sugar, no sugar, television, no television, antibiotics, tinctures, homeopathy, conventional care, home birth, hospital birth, fluoride, no fluoride, to spank, not to spank, attachment, punitive, day care, home care, public school, home school, night time nursing, early weaning, gmo’s, non gmo’s, organic, non-organic, waldorf, montessori, water, juice, music lessons, gymnastics, early bedtime, late bedtime………  Everyday we are expected to make decisions for our families, and we make them with care.  But with a normal margin of error, we are bound to screw them up a certain percentage of the time.  I hope that when it is all said and done, my kids look back and know for a certainty that we gave them the best of ourselves.  And I hope that it is enough.

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